The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
