you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
