just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
