Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
