He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
