i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
