your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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