So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
