DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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