12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
