porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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