I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
