I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
