remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
