Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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