glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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