My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you never un-have a 4some
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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