I wanna passion pit in your ass
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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