You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
