singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
