I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
