just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
