Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
