Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
