watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
