I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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