WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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