He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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