there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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