I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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