you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
