i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
