I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
