SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
