I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
