The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
