Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
