omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
