Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
