so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
