Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
