I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
