don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
