God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize