So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
