just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
worst night to have a conscience
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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