New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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