He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
