I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize