Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
