Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
