You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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