Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
