i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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