oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
