Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry about my life...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize