I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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