wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
