Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
