Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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