I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I want is dick and wine.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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