Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
