Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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