we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
