dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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