i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Enjoy the penises
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
