I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
