I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
