the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
